Perhaps the house isn't saved after all...
83. 166.
I know that people are going to read this. Whatever happens from here... so be it. I refuse to censor myself in these matters, and if this does end up being a turning point in my life I would like it documented.
That, and if I type this out all out and have it in front of me... it might help me think about a decision I am as of yet unsure of.
It has almost been 2 years, since we moved into this house at the end of August in 2001. This house belongs to Joe's grandparents. The agreement was Nykanen and I would each pay $250. Joe, being the grandson, would pay nothing. The utilities, etc. would be split evenly between the three of us. Nykanen and I didn't have a problem affording to live here. It was all fine and dandy for the most part...
You see, is odd having 3 people in a house, and only 2 pay rent. It is hard to come home after working your ass off 6 days a week, having a roomate who does the same... both to pay RENT. Hard when the third person in the house is only responsible for bills, barely works when you are working your ass off. I don't know the word for it, or a saying... but it is just seems unfair at times. Sometimes it felt as if we were paying for him to live there. Joe is a minimalist who can live on barely any money for long periods of time. I've seen it.
However... that is Joe's choice, Joe's future, and Joe's business. Not mine so I will cease to discuss it.
Anyway... We were really good friends, and besides a few personality and lifestyle conflicts, lived in relative peace and harmony until last winter.
In november of last year, I had quit TAG at the time, and was hurting for a job, and money. However, the rent got paid one way or another (With one save by mom and dad). IT GOT PAID, on time. Approximately January of 2003... I was very frustrated with my life, and regretably took it out on Joe and Noel in a whim of a journal entry. Pretty much making everything worse... Taking my horribly depressed self even farther down... To the point where I wanted to move out and just disappear from everyone and everything. It was really bad.
That and the whole 2 paying for 3 to live thing... I was over it, and had decided to move home. Joe stopped me... and I quote:
"I don't want you to go away... I will start doing something I should have done a long time ago, I will pay a third of the rent... that's fair"
So Joe takes over a third of the rent... and does not tell his grandparents about our new arrangement. Get your calculators, folks. 500 divided by 3 = 166 and some change for what the house owes... plus the usual utilites divided 3 ways.
So, I stayed. Finally everyone seemed to be on equal footing... and with the rent being cheaper we were all happy once again. I started working at the airport, and then went back ot TAG, so I had money again. There wasn't any problem with the 3 of us paying bills from that point.
At some point around February I had considered moving to Florida for an internship at disneyworld. The announcement was made to everyone... and eventually retracted as I took the wiser decision to stay.
Joe moves a girl here from California around this time. Not sure if she was meant to take my spot when I was supposed to move to Florida or not... however she ended up at his mother's. I don't really know the history of the two... But once again... that is Joe's choice, Joe's future, and Joe's business. I will not naysay... good for Joe... it was nice to see him happy after the things he has been through. It truly is.
She would spend a night here and there.... which became two nights... then three.... then whole weekends... Mind you this a barely a 2 person home accommodating 3 people already. Eventually she was here for a week straight... and coupled with his little brother (whom I like) sometimes this was a packed house on the weekends. 5 people in a 2 person home. There is only so much hot water, space, and OXYGEN in this house to go around...
Joe never asked, but in his defense, we never complained...
So all is good until one night Joe reveals that he has "Bad news". We talk... I won't go into what what did nor did not happen but the bottom line was his granparents were informed of the new arrangement we had reached in the house. The splitting of the $500 the house owed 3 ways. However I was unsure of the bottom line of what was going to happen from there.
So, some time passes... Nykanen and I do alot of discussing about what was going to happen (we work together)...
Last Sunday, after going out we decide to talk to joe about having the girl over all the time. It gets straightened out quickly as apparently he had no idea it bothered us. We also talk about what exactly is going on with the rent... and we eventually agree to split whatever his grandparents decide to charge us 3 ways... everything right down the middle, on equal footing and stake.
The very next day... Joe sits Nykanen and I down to talk again, as he had spoken to his grandparents. They had decided to just continue the original arrangement where Nykanen and I pay $250, and Joe pays nothing to live in this house. Basically, this is the bottom line is the following.
1. He doesn't want to pay rent. Take it or leave it. The old arrangement was good enough for a year, why not now? (See above) After lying to his grandparents for the past few months... he all of a sudden cannot bring himself to do it anymore.
2. We (his two best friends) can be replaced... Apparently he has two people lined up to move in our places, should one or the other move out. Certainly this girl of his being one... and someone else (I have my theories)... I guess it doesn't bother Joe either (or both) of his 2 best friends could be moving out over this...
Now. I was expecting the "Hey, we are all friends here... I want you guys to stay, let's work this out" speech, but this was absolutely unexpected.
So, I right now I feel that emotional kick in the stomach of betrayal... and I have never been stabbed in the back and had my heart broken by a close friend... I don't know how to deal with it... Every time I think about it I get angry...
It astonishes me that this could all be over a girl, or money... or laziness.
This is all over money? I mean... if Joe would have said "Guys, I will be out of work for the summer, and I cannot affor my third of the rent...." then that would have been okay... That would make sense... Being the good FRIENDS Nyakenen and I am to HIM... we wold have picked up his slack for the summer. I mean, that is what friends are for, is it not? I have no problem helping Joe out if the only issue is he cannot afford to live here... No questions asked.
It's not the money though... Nykanen and I can DEFINATELY afford it. I mean, we work for a living. If one or both of us were to move, it would just be a minor inconvenience for a short period of time. It the principle of the thing... the point.
None of this was said literally, but the more i think about it... some disturbing questions come up. Joe can't afford $166 + bills a month? Is he too lazy to work for just a few days more a month to afford us? That isn't much money at all. He would rather live with his girl and someone else than the two of us? That sucks. I mean, he has known this chick maybe 6 months... Whereas we have been friends for 6 YEARS? Nykanen being his childhood friend beyond that? Love or not... come on.
$166 divided by 2 is 83. So $83 per friend that he would potentially lose over this. What the fuck is that... That is like 1 day of work for the each of us... and it doesn't seem to be worth it to him.
I can't hate Joe for this. I am however disappointed. That would be 2 wrongs... we all know that doesn't add up to anything positive. Perhaps I was wrong to expect more out of ONE OF MY FUCKING BEST FRIENDS.
Personally, I hope this all gets worked out. I am willing to try. I don't want to fuck up our friendship over money, or over a girl... or whatever else. This is something that will become irreversible if it is not straightened out soon.
Finally... I haven't made my decision yet... I am swaying in the wind. Maybe I am waiting for an apology that I know isn't coming.
What do you all think?
--->
posted by deaDpixeL @ 4:08 PM
[
comment.]
