*Anyone read this anymore?*

One more day in May...

Today was an early day at work.. we were done before noon, and the job was really close in Dearborn. So, after lunch I was home at 1pm. It was a beautiful day outside, which I decided to spend taking a nap afterwards... just woke up an hour ago to play some Raven Shield.

Yesterday it was gorgeous outside. I didn't want to spend it couped up in my house all day, so I got Nykanen to go hit some golf balls with me. Now, I hadn't been to the driving range since high school... and my memories of that day were that I didn't do too bad hitting the ball. Well, this time around it was HORRIBLE. I suck hard at hitting golf balls. There were a few decent strokes... but overall it was pretty bad. So much so that I broke a driver and sent the bottom of it farther than most of the balls I hit. X_x oops.

* * * * *

It's so nice to have money again. I went out and bought some summer clothes yesterday... after realizing that I didn't have much. I also worked out yesterday for the first time in a long time... now I am sore. Fun. I have streamlined my routine... So it may not be as effective, but at least I will be able to be disciplined and keep it up every other day. Between that and sweating my ass off everyday at work this summer... Who knows I might end up in decent shape. My diet has changed a bit, and although I have cracked a few times on the pop thing (mainly because of availability... when there isn't anything else to drink and I hate water)... Overall I am doing pretty well.

Yeah... I am feeling pretty good actually. Now about that girl thing...

Song of the moment "Times Like These" by the Foo Fighters

---> posted by deaDpixeL @ 6:33 PM [ comment.]

Ow.

I was complaining about how much shopping for earrings sucks. I mean, they don't really have a "Male earring section" anywhere. So there I was at Claire's or whatever looking for small hoop earrings. That is where I got my ears pierced YEARS ago... I took them out when one broke last winter, and couldn't wear them when I worked at the airport.

What's worse than shopping for them? Finally getting some you like (Thanks PacSun) Putting them back in after having them out for a long period of time. I have put the two in my left ear already, and am working on the one in my right...

... got it! So now both of my ears are swollen. Sweet. Small price to pay in the name of vanity.

---> posted by deaDpixeL @ 5:30 PM [ comment.]

I am the tears in your eyes
and the blood down your wrist
I am the executioner gene
and fate tempted.

My eyes see through all of you
Transparency to the one
Your bane, your drug
Your hate, your love
Oh, they're out there
You can say you'll never forget
you'll never forgive.
but you will...
Wonder what they are doing right now?

---> posted by deaDpixeL @ 2:09 PM [ comment.]

Monica Bellucci is one of the most beautiful (scorching) women on the planet. Don't know who she is? Well... you will. She is going to be Persephone in The Matrix Reloaded. She was also in Brotherhood of the Wolf...

---> posted by deaDpixeL @ 9:43 PM [ comment.]

"STAY IN THE LIGHT!!!"

I just rented DARKNESS FALLS - On the box it says "Runs rings around THE RING"... DARKNESS FALLS was a B horror movie with decent effects, a fairly scary monster, and HORRIBLE dialogue and acting. Decent concept, but poorly executed. I mean how many different ways do you show some grim reaper-esque tooth fairy fly by and drag someone off? The could have been more creative with it.

What is my fascination with being scared? Horror movies wrecked me when I was a kid... (I hadn't even SEEN - CHILD'S PLAY but when I saw the preview... My sister's cricket doll got locked up in a closet that night... believe it!) NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD (all of them), FRIDAY THE 13TH, NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET, etc. Ever since then I have rented every scary movie there is, including THE EXORCIST and THE SHINING... They didn't do much.

BLAIR WITCH PROJECT kept me up for a few days. JOSSSHHH!??!?! Hehe. I got so into that movie in the theater, my heart was pounding... I loved it.

THE RING was scary. THE RING kept my 24-year-old ass up that night. I loved it. That movie is crazy... and only when I rented it a month or so ago did I finally realize all the subliminal/split second imaging placed in the movie. What every you do... don't watch that movie with the STEP key on your dvd remote handy...

Heh, better copyright that before someone makes a B horror movie with that tagline.

---> posted by deaDpixeL @ 8:13 PM [ comment.]

I can't wait for April to end. So much to do next month or so.

X-men 2 on the 2nd, Equilibrium coming out on DVD on the 13th (w00t!), The Matrix Reloaded on the 15th, new Staind and Deftones albums on the 20th... Oh! The DARK ANGEL (Jessica Alba = still scorching) season 1 dvd, and the kick ass Children of Dune dvd also on the 20th, The Recruit dvd on the 27th. Hehe and the Animatrix dvd on June 3rd (seen 4 of the shorts, but I will be so hopped up on Matrix action that I will buy it)

I am sure there is a ton more going on but this is just what I have on my calender. Glad I will have the $$$ to get back into going to the movies and buying dvds.

* * * * *

I just said that and I was thinking earlier "You can't see the future when all you are doing is staring at the past"

It's nice to be free. It's nice to wake up in the morning and not be overcast in clouds. I may want the things I have had in the past, but I don't want it from THEM. This summer I want to get some lovin, give some lovin... and DEFINATELY attack Autobot City (Look out and shout!) - hehe. Gotta give a little shout out to Noel for that one...

She's bad for me, but I have been missing Margarita lately. Haven't talked to her in months... I would call her but I deleted her phone number... whoops.

I have been trying to write lately but it's hard without some sort of muse. Everyone has burned themselves out with me. I mean, seriously... fuck 'em. On one hand it would be nice to have a girlfriend and all... or be seeing someone... I just don't want to screw up where I am creativity-wise... by being happy.

This page would be a different place if I were... When (if) I do ever fall in love again... I have so many beautiful things to say...

Everything I have written down lately is just too violent. Emotionally... It makes me miss singing. I'll be driving home with the windows down... screaming my favorite songs, people looking at me like I am crazy, and I just feel at home in some way. That make any sense? I just wish I could scream some of the things I write to some music. I have to do it vicariously through someone else's words and music... Sometimes I just wish I could scream... period.

* * * * *

but - this summer is going to kick ass. I am going to be a super hero! I am looking forward to working my ass of, making some cash and blinging out. Everything else can wait.

So, here we go.

---> posted by deaDpixeL @ 7:30 PM [ comment.]

HAD I the heavens' embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet,
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams

W.B. Yeats


... this is going to be the summer of dreams.

2002 was the summer of the clenched fist, and 2001 was the summer of dead ladybugs...

---> posted by deaDpixeL @ 10:01 PM [ comment.]

Song of the Moment "Times like these" by the Foo Fighters

---> posted by deaDpixeL @ 6:50 PM [ comment.]

Noel's forcast for the upcoming summer... In regards to our supposed future relationships with women...

"we are going to be super heores john"

---> posted by deaDpixeL @ 5:44 PM [ comment.]

Just saw this over at Steve's so what the hell...


Your Heart is Blue


What Color is Your Heart?
brought to you by Quizilla

---> posted by deaDpixeL @ 6:55 AM [ comment.]

i miss it
the ignorance of youth
a blissful
lack of cynicism
wide eyed
and hopeful

the footsteps
slow, but tracing the once before
the prints marked in shame
one day i will be an eclipse
and i will turn my back
on my name
and my guardian angel

my blades
rustic and dull in these days
and it hurts
so much more

---> posted by deaDpixeL @ 9:55 PM [ comment.]

Things are good...

Right now I am #4 on the UbiSoft ladder in Raven Shield Team Survival (Team Deathmatch for us Quake and UT players)... So that is good news. Not sure how long it is going to last, but at least AT THIS MOMENT there are only 3 people with better rankings. It might help that I got a new UBI account a few days ago... but shhhh....

Work has been short the past few days... So I am not complaining... I got tools today so now I can do some real work.

* * * * *

On my way home from work I stopped to get something to eat, and I saw a girl who just made my heart melt. I mean she was GA-GA gorgeous. The kind of way that makes you feel lighthearted and all stupid inside. She smiled at me the way my elusive deity does from time to remind me that "She" is out there. Did I talk to her? No. My self confidence is still shot. That and I was covered in marble dust... That must look attractive! Anyway let me get some money in my pocket, and get the rest of my life under control... then we'll see.

I saw another one of my old crushes in her car as I was driving home too. So, I guess it's in the air...

Song of the day - "It'll be okay" by Limp Bizkit

If there's -
a better place you can take me
a better life you can give me
whatever place I can start all over
Then I would -
never need what you gave me
and never need you to save me
and never feel life is over
feel like this life is over.

---> posted by deaDpixeL @ 1:16 PM [ comment.]

Today was my first day back at TAG. I was ribbed a bit, but honestly I expected more from people. Some of the ones I liked seemed glad to have me back. I went in at 6am and didn't get home until 7:30pm... so that would have sucked in itself had I not been in such a good mood. It was freezing out, and being wet and cold... somehow I kept my head up. My feet were so cold it hurt to walk by the time that I got home (wore my jungle boots instead of my old work/winter boots... duh!)... Other than that things went well.

This is not a social outing anymore. There may be some here and there that I don't mind being around... but I am here to get paid, plain and simple. I care not what anyone there thinks.

Days like this, I don't know what to do with myself
All day -- and all night
I wander the halls along the walls and under my breath
I say to myself
I need fuel -- to take flight -- - Fiona Apple "Sullen Girl"

---> posted by deaDpixeL @ 8:51 PM [ comment.]

Business: Yesterday was my last day at the airport... Yes... I have sold out and gone back to TAG. I start monday. Why o why god do you ask? Money. Plain and simple. Nykanen brought up a good point - "I'm not going to work... I'm going to get paid". That, and I am much more zen than I was back in November. Between the four aspects of my life at the time... Work, School, Mollie, and SLEEP... Something had to go. First it was SLEEP for about 2 weeks in a row, then it was TAG.... then finally Mollie. I wasn't going to give up school for anything. So here I go.

Right now I don't know what I am going to do with my life. So in the interim I am going to at least work somewhere that I can make some money. It will make my options more flexible in the future if I can get some of my bills paid off.

Pleasure: If you notice the site had been sort of redone. Other than working on the site and the images... I have also been playing some serious RAINBOW SIX 3: RAVEN SHIELD.



TiTS is not what you think... It stands for Tactical Initiative Training Squad. I haven't been in a gaming clan in years. Kind of funny to see that ]sTa[ is still around after all this time. I love playing with the Ti/TiTS guys... We have alot of fun playing online and communicating on Teamspeak. It's nice to always have a place to play, and people to play with.

Pain: I think the caffeine withdrawel is starting to ease off... After a week or more without it... The shaking and nausea have decreased greatly... although the fatigue and headaches still persist. I have realized that I don't feel "bloated" anymore. MMMMMM WATER IS SO YUMMY MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. grrrr.......... What I wouldn't give for a 2 liter of Vanilla coke... MMMmmm..... SHUT UP DAMN VOICES IN MY HEAD! Evil!

I need a girlfriend...

---> posted by deaDpixeL @ 8:58 PM [ comment.]

my nephew logan just sent ME his first ever email...

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azEHJJH';,n bvyt bvgg g yhjbv xxzxd cv h n bgfdf
inbvbvffg bumyhbny5t679766][[ 3550605050041

X_x

---> posted by deaDpixeL @ 9:33 PM [ comment.]